Episode 190
Tamala Shaw - Navigating the Intersection of Trauma and Healing
This podcast episode delves into the profound journey of healing, emphasizing the importance of awareness and acceptance as fundamental steps toward recovery from trauma. I articulate the necessity of traversing the challenging intersection that lies between the familiar pain of trauma and the transformative realm of healing. As we navigate through the various stages of this process, from grief and forgiveness to the establishment of boundaries and self-compassion, we learn that healing is not merely the absence of pain but rather the emergence of strength and purpose. With each deliberate step, we confront our past while embracing the growth that results from our experiences. Ultimately, we come to understand that while our histories shape us, they do not define us, as we become empowered to extend our hands to others still journeying through the shadows.
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/matrika/on-vacation
License code: AMH6BCZBM0VLBJW3
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/hele/jhoha
Transcript
Hey, it's Tamala Shaw.
Speaker A:Today I wanted to bring you guys something.
Speaker A:Some things I've been thinking about.
Speaker A:You know, I take my work seriously, and I'm real big on healing and boundaries and working on dysfunction and changing generational curses, generational situations.
Speaker A:And I thought I wanted to bring you guys to this place.
Speaker A:It's this visualization that I would love for you to do.
Speaker A:You're gonna have to work through some hardship.
Speaker A:You may even have some triggers.
Speaker A:But if you're willing to go through it, I promise you, by the end of this, you will feel fantastic.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:So just walk with me, if you don't mind.
Speaker A:I want you to close your eyes.
Speaker A:I want you to imagine yourself standing on a street.
Speaker A:It's kind of chilly, overcast.
Speaker A:The ground is cracked.
Speaker A:The air is heavy.
Speaker A:The echoes of pain bounce off every wall.
Speaker A:Take a breath.
Speaker A:You can feel the weight in your shoulders of the things that you're going through.
Speaker A:The trauma that was poured over you that you never asked for.
Speaker A:You can feel this weight of all the things that you've been through.
Speaker A:The rejection, the lost, the abuse, the abandonment, the silence.
Speaker A:It's where fear builds walls and shame whispers.
Speaker A:Stay here because you know this feeling.
Speaker A:You're familiar with this pain.
Speaker A:And sometimes it feels safer than the alternative.
Speaker A:Does it feel safer to stay?
Speaker A:Stay in what you know.
Speaker A:But now for you to take a deep breath and then turn your gaze across the street.
Speaker A:Across the street, there's something different.
Speaker A:The sun is brighter.
Speaker A:It's warm.
Speaker A:The air is light.
Speaker A:The colors are brighter.
Speaker A:There's laughter that doesn't feel forced.
Speaker A:There's a change over there.
Speaker A:There's peace that doesn't depend on other people's approval.
Speaker A:You can feel the hope over there.
Speaker A:You can feel you over there.
Speaker A:But on the other side, that side that you're looking at across the street, that neighborhood is called healing.
Speaker A:But between the street of trauma and healing is a very busy, unpredictable intersection.
Speaker A:And in order to cross takes a lot of courage.
Speaker A:So I want you to decide, are you going to take this walk with me to try to get across the street to healing?
Speaker A:Because you can't run across all at once.
Speaker A:You have to take it step by step.
Speaker A:So let's walk together.
Speaker A:The first step you have to take is for awareness.
Speaker A:This first step is realizing I am standing in pain.
Speaker A:I hurt.
Speaker A:I feel.
Speaker A:I get disappointed.
Speaker A:People have failed me.
Speaker A:Sometimes I've even failed myself.
Speaker A:Something happened to me and it changed me.
Speaker A:I am not crazy.
Speaker A:I am not weak.
Speaker A:I am human, and I deserve healing.
Speaker A:So let's take another step.
Speaker A:That step is acceptance.
Speaker A:Acceptance doesn't mean that what happened to you was okay.
Speaker A:It just means that I'm done pretending that it didn't happen.
Speaker A:It's saying, this is my story, but it doesn't have to be my ending.
Speaker A:Take another step.
Speaker A:The next step is grief.
Speaker A:Grieving is like rain that helps the seeds of healing grow.
Speaker A:We grieve what we lost.
Speaker A:The loss of safety, trust, sometimes your childhood loved ones, the loss of time.
Speaker A:We cry, but not because we're weak, but because we are releasing what is no longer fitting in our lives.
Speaker A:Crying because we are releasing what no longer serves us.
Speaker A:Let's take another step.
Speaker A:That's the step of forgiveness.
Speaker A:Forgiveness isn't for anyone else but you, okay?
Speaker A:It's setting down the chains of resentment and saying, I won't carry your choices or fears anymore.
Speaker A:And sometimes the hardest person to forgive, Jess, may be myself.
Speaker A:You gotta forgive.
Speaker A:You ready to take another step?
Speaker A:The next step is re parenting.
Speaker A:This is where I go back and find that younger version of me.
Speaker A:The one who is scared, unseen, and most times unheard.
Speaker A:And you know what?
Speaker A:You say, I got you.
Speaker A:Tell little one.
Speaker A:I got you.
Speaker A:We learn to be the parent, the protector, the comforter.
Speaker A:Everything that the person that raised us could not be.
Speaker A:Because we are what we need and have been all along.
Speaker A:You ready to take another step?
Speaker A:This is the step into boundaries.
Speaker A:Boundaries aren't walls.
Speaker A:Boundaries are bridges of respect.
Speaker A:They say, I love you, but I love me too.
Speaker A:They are how we protect our peace and honor our progress.
Speaker A:Sometimes that can be difficult.
Speaker A:But you got it.
Speaker A:You got this.
Speaker A:Let's take a breath now.
Speaker A:Let's take another step.
Speaker A:Let's step into self compassion.
Speaker A:We stop talking to ourselves like the people who hurt us did.
Speaker A:We replace criticism with kindness.
Speaker A:We learn to hold ourselves softly and say, you are enough.
Speaker A:You have always been enough.
Speaker A:Let's take another step.
Speaker A:This last step is exactly where we need to be.
Speaker A:We are stepping into growth and purpose.
Speaker A:This is where something shifts and we realize the pain no longer controls us.
Speaker A:We start using what broke us to build us and eventually to build others.
Speaker A:We become the living proof that healing is real.
Speaker A:When you finally step into the side of healing, you'll enjoy that neighborhood.
Speaker A:It's beautiful over there.
Speaker A:You breathe differently.
Speaker A:You laugh deeper.
Speaker A:You love yourself more freely.
Speaker A:You don't care what anybody thinks.
Speaker A:Things.
Speaker A:You don't look for outside acceptance because you realize the acceptance of you.
Speaker A:You only needed it from you.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:When you look back across the street, when you look over there at all that darkness and that mucky air and all the things that was going on over there, you finally get to really see your strength.
Speaker A:The strength and the journey that you took.
Speaker A:You picked yourself up and got on the other side.
Speaker A:You did it.
Speaker A:You trust the process.
Speaker A:Healing doesn't mean that the past disappears.
Speaker A:It means that you're no longer trapped in it.
Speaker A:You've learned to live beyond survival.
Speaker A:You've learned to build peace where pain once lived.
Speaker A:Maybe one day you'll stand on that healing side and look across the street, see someone standing over there and be able to help them take their first step.
Speaker A:Step.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Healing does not erase what happened to you, but it does transform who you are because of it.
Speaker A:Our journeys take us from shame to courageous.
Speaker A:All right?
Speaker A:And I want you to know that when you're taking these steps, there may be a time where you fall or you don't believe in yourself, or you feel like you can't even take that next step.
Speaker A:But you get up, you believe in yourself, and you tell yourself, I got this.
Speaker A:No fear.
Speaker A:Fear is false evidence appearing real.
Speaker A:I hope that this has helped you help someone understand that visually, you may be standing on the side of trauma, but just taking the right steps, you can be in that neighborhood of healing, and you can be in a neighborhood with other people who will uplift you and cheer you on.
Speaker A:This is Tamela Shaw, and I hope that this has helped you.
Speaker A:God bless.
