Episode 188
Healing Trauma: The Path to Becoming Trigger Proof
The salient point of this podcast episode centers on the exploration of healing from trauma and the dynamics of codependency, as articulated by Dr. Nima Rahmani, a chiropractor turned expert in relational healing. In our dialogue, we delve into the intricate relationship between unresolved trauma and the manifestations of emotional distress in adult relationships. Dr. Rahmani elucidates how our childhood experiences shape our attachment styles, influencing our interactions with partners and perpetuating cycles of anxiety and avoidance. He advocates for a transformative approach to understanding and mitigating these patterns, emphasizing that true healing involves becoming aware of and addressing the underlying triggers that govern our emotional responses. As we engage in this insightful conversation, we aim to equip our listeners with the knowledge and tools necessary to foster healthier, more secure relationships.
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Transcript
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Speaker B:Welcome to the Codependent Me podcast.
Speaker B:I am your host, Tamela Shaw, a recovering codependent, the co author of God Turn Mommy's Wine Into Water, and I'm a certified life coach.
Speaker B:On this podcast, we discuss a lot of relevant topics.
Speaker B:But the podcast was created to increase the awareness of codependency and to give information on how to live a more holistic life.
Speaker C:Welcome to the Codependent Me podcast.
Speaker C:I am your host, Tamela Shaw.
Speaker C:And Today we have Dr. Nima Rahmani with us.
Speaker C:He is.
Speaker C:He is.
Speaker C:He's gonna give us some really good work in order to heal, in order to move forward, in order to deal with our traumas and a whole lot of other things that we deal with on a daily basis.
Speaker C:Welcome to the show, Dr. Nima.
Speaker A:It's good to be here, Tamela.
Speaker C:Thank you so much.
Speaker C:So first, let the audience know a little bit.
Speaker C:Dr. About Dr. Nima.
Speaker A:Yeah, I'm a chiropractor by trade.
Speaker A:How I got into what doing what I'm currently doing, it really is about healing and the role of the nervous system within healing.
Speaker A:Because when I was 13 years old, I had my very first chiropractic adjustment.
Speaker A:I got up off the table and I thought, holy cow, how amazing that this guy was able to shift into, shift things in my nervous system.
Speaker A:And my headaches went away, my hip pain, I was like, give me some of that.
Speaker A:I want to learn how to make that impact on other people.
Speaker A:And after about 10 years of being a chiropractor, you start to see patterns with people.
Speaker A:People coming in with headaches, jaw pain, tightness around the chest, digestive issues.
Speaker A:All these chronic problems, you realize is because people are kind of like holding in this state, state of constriction in the body.
Speaker A:And why would they be doing that?
Speaker A:Or because they have stress, they're carrying stress.
Speaker A:Their body is in armor, is in kind of like a protective mechanism.
Speaker A:And why is that?
Speaker A:And when you inquire and go upstream, you discover that it's because they have had trauma.
Speaker A:They've had.
Speaker A:And trauma really isn't what happened to us.
Speaker A:It's what's happening inside of us without the presence of an empathetic witness.
Speaker A:So whether.
Speaker A:And what causes our greatest traumas is relational breakdown.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:There's something most of the time within a relationship dynamic from childhood to adolescence to adulthood, that causes us to fracture and separate from ourselves, creating this tension and constriction in the body, which eventually turns to inflammation.
Speaker A:So it wasn't until 10 years into my practice and Going through a divorce personally.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:Where I started to kind of put two and two together, connect the dots to help people shift perception so that they can see their stresses differently.
Speaker A:I had to become my own medicine for myself.
Speaker A:And everything that I would learn from myself in dealing with relational challenges, I would just kind of pass on in conversation with my patients.
Speaker A:And then one day I thought, you know what?
Speaker A:I'm spending way too much time in these, these visits, these patient visits, talking about what I really, what's really most meaningful to me.
Speaker A: ay events, which after around: Speaker A:I really want to teach people this methodology of shifting our perception so that we can release stress and then become our own medicine.
Speaker A:And so slowly, as my career advanced, I'm going more and more upstream to teach people the root cause of, of how to become their own medicine.
Speaker A:And it wasn't until I went through a divorce and several failed relationships later, leading to an abusive type of relationship where it was extreme highs and lows, where I didn't understand the language of what a trauma bond was, what codependency was.
Speaker A:And I worked through all of that, got through, you know, ending that relationship and moving on, and really seeing, you know, the, the volatility that resulted in that, and thought to myself, okay, something I'm missing here.
Speaker A:How is it that somebody who can help people, that really has a desire to help people, can then go into a relationship where we, we react with such unconsciousness.
Speaker A:If you've ever, if you're listening to this and you've ever reacted in a way where you look back and go, how did I get there?
Speaker A:Like how, you know, how is it that I became so triggered and to the point where you become abusive, whether it's emotionally, whether it's physically.
Speaker A:Well, it was happening in our relationship.
Speaker A:So I had to figure out, how did I get there?
Speaker A:How can I make sure, number two, that it never happens again?
Speaker A:Number three, can I have a healthy, secure relationship?
Speaker A:Is it possible for me?
Speaker A:And if I could.
Speaker A:And I did.
Speaker A:One and number two.
Speaker A:And number three, I'm currently married, we have a beautiful five year old son almost at the recording of this.
Speaker A:And so it led me to number four, which is to make my karma, my dharma, the, the teach people what I needed the most.
Speaker A:And I started delving into attachment theory, polyvagal theory, somatic experiencing, and I left my chiropractic practice now and I run a global community of people dedicated to breaking cycles of intergenerational trauma and, and having healthy, secure relationships that are polarized, that with polarity and healing from codependency and becoming secure individuals.
Speaker A:So that's the whole full circle.
Speaker A:And I've left chiropractic and this is what I teach now.
Speaker A:And I loved teaching people how to become trigger proof.
Speaker C:And I absolutely love, I mean you did a wonderful, you know, it's all about giving, right?
Speaker C:So you were giving in your practice, your chiropractic practice, but it was physical and all of the things that people needed that was changing their lives.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:But it has led you to where now you are changing the world.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:I absolutely love that.
Speaker C:It's just on a, on a much, much higher scale and so many more people can be touched because we all have stress, we all have anxiety, we all have, you know, how much healing we, we're doing.
Speaker C:We have those times where we get triggered.
Speaker C:I went through it about a month ago.
Speaker C:I was like, oh, I threw everything that I learned away, just everything I would like.
Speaker C:I allow that person to take me to the person that I was 10 years ago, right.
Speaker C:I was like, how did I even go back?
Speaker A:What happened in that moment of activation?
Speaker A:Tamila, your prefrontal cortex, which is your adult mind, shuts off and we regress to that childlike state.
Speaker A:And there's nothing like an intimate partnership, especially when you're involved in what's called a trauma bonded type of situation where it's a highly polarized and magnetic, you know, like really, you know, extremely good on one side, extreme, extremely bad on the other.
Speaker A:And you go back and forth.
Speaker A:It's kind of like this push and pull dynamic with an anxious type of attachment and an avoidant type of attachment.
Speaker A:When you're engaged in that, there is so much biology involved that it's like your prefrontal cortex, your adult brain completely shuts off and now you're governed and reacting like a child or teenager.
Speaker A:So most of us are actually 8 to 12 years old.
Speaker A:Emotionally.
Speaker A:We haven't done the deep rewiring, nervous system rewiring work to bring our adult self online.
Speaker A:So the reason why you react that way is because that person, in their behavior, with their tone, their words, their reactions, is bringing up memories of childhood causing you to regress back.
Speaker A:And so it's not adult Tamila anymore, it is 10 year old Tamila.
Speaker A:And so you're reacting in those ways.
Speaker A:And most of these relationships end up becoming very insecure dynamics where you're where you're seeking from your partner those unhealed wounds from childhood.
Speaker A:And so the luckily the good news is there's a way out of it.
Speaker A:And Becoming Trigger Proof was what I kind of discovered and formulated a path to doing so for people who are really ready to heal.
Speaker C:So let's talk about it.
Speaker C:So you've got a new book coming.
Speaker C:It's called Becoming Trigger Proof.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And when will it be released?
Speaker A:It's coming out next year.
Speaker A:It's in the kind of pre ordering phases coming up, but it's.
Speaker A:It documents the entire journey from insecure dynamic that's abusive to healing and then finding and creating secure love for people who are ready to let go of their victim stories, ready to let go of their resentment and take full responsibility without blame to become the adult that they're, become the secure partner that they're seeking from the outside.
Speaker A:So the skill of rupture and repair.
Speaker C:Essentially, I love it.
Speaker C:So if there's someone listening and they are in a place where they are wanting to learn, you know, just a bit about what to do when these times happen, what would you tell them?
Speaker A:Yeah, you're talking about when the, when you're in a relational dynamic and there's a conflict or you're, you know, you're either dating or you're married and you're finding yourself in a similar pattern.
Speaker A:The first thing that I would really recommend you really look at is that it's not about what it's about.
Speaker A:That's the first thing that I want to, that I really want to impart, that I discovered on my journey is that when you are in a relationship dynamic and let's say there is somebody who is the anxiously attached, you were raised in an environment where your mother wasn't really consistent.
Speaker A:There wasn't a consistency, you didn't know who you were going to see one moment to the next.
Speaker A:And it creates what's called this anxious attachment where the way that you respond to distress in a relationship is you want more connection because it's driven by the fear of abandonment.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker A:So that's one part of us.
Speaker A:The second part of us is the part of us that felt responsible for mom or dad's emotions.
Speaker A:There was an overwhelm, there was maybe a devouring, overwhelming, highly dysregulated mother and, and parent.
Speaker A:And when you display laid emotions, expressing them to your parents didn't serve any positive purpose.
Speaker A:You were either dismissed, your emotions were dismissed.
Speaker A:Not believe, minimize, or hey, that didn't happen.
Speaker A:So the childlike Is that you?
Speaker C:I know all about it.
Speaker A:The childlike part of you got the message that sharing my emotions is not going to get me what my needs met.
Speaker A:So I'm going to cope with distress instead of seeking connection.
Speaker A:I need to pull away, and I just want to create that space, and I'm going to become an island.
Speaker A:So this is the anxious attachment versus the avoidant attachment.
Speaker A:And the avoidant attachment is driven by the fear of what's called engulfment, or being consumed by the other person, consumed by love.
Speaker A:So what would I tell somebody is to understand that there are two parts of us.
Speaker A:One that seeks connection and communion, which is driven by the fear of abandonment.
Speaker A:The other part that's driven, that seeks space, freedom, that's driven by the fear of what's called engulfment.
Speaker A:So these two parts within us are our shadows, our shadow parts, the parts of us that are, from childhood, that we're reacting to distress in relational dynamics, especially with our caregivers.
Speaker A:And then when we get into a relationship, we are in a relationship with somebody who literally has the exact same thing going on, but in reverse.
Speaker A:So if you are primarily leaning towards an anxious type of attachment, you are going to attract some somebody who has more of an avoidant type of characteristic.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Because one wants more connection.
Speaker A:The pursuer, that one wants distancer, the other one wants distance.
Speaker A:So it's kind of like a cat and mouse game.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:And so what happens is you, if you've caught yourself stuck in this dynamic, which I call the infinite loop of doom, because the avoidant all of a sudden kind of gets triggered and feels like they're being criticized.
Speaker A:Not good enough.
Speaker A:And, you know, the anxious one wants more connection, saying, hey, you don't text me enough.
Speaker A:You don't make me a priority.
Speaker A:I'm not important.
Speaker A:And what they're wanting is connection.
Speaker A:But what the avoidant is hearing is, I'm not good enough.
Speaker A:Right, Right.
Speaker A:I'm.
Speaker A:I'm.
Speaker A:I'm a. I'm failing as a partner.
Speaker A:And so what they do, instead of connecting, they go and they respond to that emotional pain with numbing, sedating, hiding, running away, which then triggers the anxious to feel not important, not good enough.
Speaker A:And they respond to that emotional pain through more criticism, more judgment, more pushing.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:More anxious energy, which then causes the avoidant to then feel like a failure and not good enough, which then they react to that emotional pain with pushing away further.
Speaker A:And so this triggered loop, called the infinite loop of doom, becomes exhausting over time.
Speaker A:And this is after that initial six to eight month honeymoon phase of the relationship is over.
Speaker A:And so this, this, you've entered into the second phase, which is called the power struggle phase.
Speaker A:And to answer your question, essentially Tamala is what do we do when we are caught in this?
Speaker A:Is to realize that it's never about what's happening within this relationship.
Speaker A:You are both acting out insecure dynamics from childhood and going to a therapist and talking about it will never resolve the root cause.
Speaker A:It must, it must lend to us finding the source of those triggers.
Speaker A:That younger part of us that felt not good enough, that felt like a failure, that felt like nothing we were doing was ever good enough.
Speaker A:The fact that no matter what I do, I'm never important enough.
Speaker A:Like all of those stories that are hidden in our biology need to be brought to the surface and need to be actually dealt with not by talking about it cognitive and staying in the thought.
Speaker A:They must be felt through and we must go and access them through the body.
Speaker A:And so when they arise, when the trigger arises, this gives us an opportunity to drop into the body to feel those sensations and then find younger parts of ourselves to soothe before we go and talk to our partners so that we're, we are, we are talking, speaking as our adult self rather than the child self, looking for the them the other person to play the role of the parent that wasn't meeting our needs in childhood.
Speaker A:Effy.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker C:I promise you I've, I've heard this a lot.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker C:I've talked to several people.
Speaker C:That description was very beautiful.
Speaker C:Thank you.
Speaker C:Thank you so much.
Speaker C:I want the audience to know because I know that they're thinking, oh my gosh, they're anxious, they're avoiding like what?
Speaker C:How do I find out who I am?
Speaker C:Will you please let them know on your website?
Speaker A:This was a, this was probably the most like, wow moment when I was trying to figure out my relationship, why it wasn't, why it wasn't working, why it was so challenging.
Speaker A:I did what's called an attachment style quiz and I discovered that I was avoidant.
Speaker A:And an attachment style quiz is a series of about.
Speaker A:It's a seven minute quiz that asks questions around how do you respond in stressful situations within a relational dynamic?
Speaker A:And then it gives out the information.
Speaker A:And so what I've done is I provided a link for anybody listening in the show notes and to provide you it you take that seven minute quiz and then I email you the result of your quiz and then a kind of like some education and a path moving forward and all of the, the education and Trainings that I put out in my newsletter all serve to help heal attachment wounding.
Speaker A:That's the focus of it.
Speaker A:But you gotta kind of start by understanding what your attachment style is.
Speaker A:So I provided that, that link for.
Speaker C:Anybody who really is definitely put that in the show notes because that is the key.
Speaker C:It really true awareness.
Speaker C:Awareness is for sure the key.
Speaker C:Okay, so let's talk about your workshops.
Speaker A:Yeah, sure.
Speaker C:I logged, I was on your website and let me just tell you, you look like you have a blast at the workshops, right?
Speaker C:I mean, I was like, I want to go hang with Dr. Nima.
Speaker A:Yeah, those, those are videos from workshops pre Covid.
Speaker A:So before COVID I had this workshop that I called the Overview Experience, which I'm kind of shifting.
Speaker A:It's really about becoming trigger proof.
Speaker A:So it's the trigger proof experience, really.
Speaker A:And it teaches you a cognitive and a somatic methodology to instead of doing therapy, you need training to learn exactly what to do and the moments when you get triggered so that you can bring your adult self online and then communicate as an adult.
Speaker A:And when you learn how to do that, you're able to discern, should I stay or should I go?
Speaker A:Because you see, you're able to see what's my issue and what's their issue.
Speaker A:Is it a me thing?
Speaker A:Is it a them thing?
Speaker A:This answers the question of how you can discern, is it a me thing or the other thing?
Speaker A:And so before COVID I had these events all over the world.
Speaker A:They were three day events, Covid hits.
Speaker A:And I was like, oh geez, what am I supposed to do?
Speaker A:I have to cancel these events.
Speaker A:So I pivoted and I said, could I take a three day event and turn it into a six hour event on Zoom and still get the same outcomes and results?
Speaker A:Now, obvious, obviously, showing up live where we have the music and you saw some dancing on the website, you could see it.
Speaker A:But on Zoom, it is powerful.
Speaker A:And it's a six hour workshop that takes you from your biggest conflict, the biggest resentment that you're having.
Speaker A:And I teach you a methodology that's both cognitive in your mind and somatic in your body, teaching you the neuroscience of what happens when you get triggered so you can begin the process of unraveling and learning how to become your own medicine.
Speaker A:And so they're on once a month.
Speaker A:And the link is, it's on my website and it's called the Overview Experience.
Speaker A:And this is the best place I did this and event so that it answers all the questions that I keep getting from people I'M like, I just wish people would show up to this event instead of telling me your life story.
Speaker A:Let me tell you your life story based on what happens to a child when they don't get their emotional needs met.
Speaker A:How we adapt, how we become people pleasers, how we start to focus on fixing other people, how we become magnets for really narcissistic people or become narcissistic ourselves.
Speaker A:And where this, where this comes from, where the trauma comes from, and what constitutes good parenting, what constitutes good enough parenting, and what constitutes parenting that doesn't actually meet that child's needs and what you can expect to react and what kind of relationships you get pulled towards when those needs aren't met.
Speaker A:So it's like it answers all of it for you in that one fell swoop.
Speaker A:I love that.
Speaker C:Because we don't realize, like, we are in survival mode most of our lives.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker C:So I think that this is wonderful.
Speaker C:I think the virtual experience is great because it doesn't matter where you live.
Speaker C:You don't have to travel.
Speaker C:You know, you can get everything that you need in that six hours and you're going to just leave a different person.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So that's it.
Speaker A:It's been described as about 20 years of therapy in one day.
Speaker C:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker C:I tell you.
Speaker C:Okay, so, okay, I want to get back to becoming trigger proof.
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker C:So you said you go into the insecure area, the healing, the finding and creating.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So does it walk.
Speaker C:It walks them through it all.
Speaker A:Yeah, it, it basically when you think of like you were describing when you just got triggered last month or a few weeks ago, imagine bringing that conflict to an event.
Speaker A:And I take you through a process where we unravel and you write down the content of your side of the story, and then I take you back in time and show you how this, whatever just happened there has very little or nothing to do with you and that other person and everything to do with the unhealed wounds of the child inside of you and a practice that you can master so that the moment you get triggered and you forget everything, you have a process that you can learn that brings you back to safety so that you become the.
Speaker A:You become.
Speaker A:You're the author of your own safety, and you don't need the other person to change in order for you to be okay.
Speaker A:So now you're now speaking like an adult and you can actually, you know, advocate for your needs, communicate like an understanding adult.
Speaker A:And if they don't want to step up and meet you there, you have the wherewithal you have the security within yourself to say okay and walk away.
Speaker A:Because you're now able to discern their pain from my pain, their issue.
Speaker A:It's a me thing or it's a them thing.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So you're able to master the art of conflict and repair, rupture and repair.
Speaker A:And this is the skill that nobody really teaches us, but it has a huge impact on our lives.
Speaker C:Oh, I can't wait.
Speaker A:Your health as well, Tamila?
Speaker C:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker C:Like, I can't wait to, to get the book myself because again, sometimes we have the tools in the toolbox, but the toolbox is closed.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:In the moment when you get triggered, 3/4 of your brain shuts off.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker A:Are governed by instincts and reactivity, your reactive self.
Speaker A:And so becoming trigger proof is really about bringing your adult self online.
Speaker C:I love that.
Speaker C:I love that.
Speaker C:And where will they be able.
Speaker C:No, they can pre order it, right.
Speaker C:Where can they pre order it?
Speaker A:Yeah, it'll all be ready.
Speaker A:So once you get on my email list, you're the first to, to be able to have access to that.
Speaker C:Very nice.
Speaker C:And so they just go to drnema.com n I m a dot com.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I'll give you the links in the show notes.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:But once you do the attachment style quiz, you're, you're, you get my, you receive my newsletter and you'd have access.
Speaker C:Everything goes on from there.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:I love it.
Speaker C:It's all automatic.
Speaker C:So please, audience, it's very, very important to find out what your attachment style is.
Speaker C:I, I learned so much from it and actually did a show about it.
Speaker C:So it can lead to you just a healthier future.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:It helps you deal with your, you understand your anxiety, you understand why your emotions are all over the place when you have certain things happen.
Speaker C:Or for me, it could be a certain smell because it reminded me of something.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So it's, it's absolutely imperative to do that.
Speaker C:And Dr. Nima, you, you do it in a beautiful way.
Speaker C:So I want to thank you for the people, for the world, for everything that you're putting out here.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker C:It's fantastic.
Speaker C:And you know, again, audience know about the once a month workshop that is so healing.
Speaker C:And I like to ask all of my guests if you could give the audience one last nugget before we go, what would it be?
Speaker A:The nugget is that, you know, this.
Speaker C:This.
Speaker A:This phrase came to me in a dream actually.
Speaker A:I was kind of like in this waking moment is that the highest form of forgiveness is the authentic recognition that Everything served and there is nothing to forgive.
Speaker A:And why, why that is is because in the world of healing, we talk about forgiveness a lot.
Speaker A:Forgive yourself, forgive others, it's I gotta forgive myself, forgive them.
Speaker A:As though it's like this, you know, the intention is good because you know, you have this resentment you're carrying resentment when you get to a place of forgiveness, it's an attempt to let go of resentment, which is a healthy thing.
Speaker A:But what happens is most people, people, it's fake, it's, it's just spiritual bypassing, right?
Speaker A:Oh, I forgive.
Speaker A:But your body tells a completely different story.
Speaker A:And there is a path when you learn how to become trigger proof to find the thing that you once felt like you needed to forgive because you feel victimized by that person or yourself is what happens if you were to get to a place of understanding.
Speaker A:Think about it.
Speaker A:There was, would you rather be forgiven, right?
Speaker A:Or understood?
Speaker C:Oh my gosh, yeah.
Speaker A:And so once you get to a place of understanding now, you realize that that person or you were not likely conscious.
Speaker A:You were likely acting out of unconsciousness from a wound that didn't even start with you.
Speaker A:And this isn't to excuse bad behavior in the future because the future hasn't been written yet, but the past already has.
Speaker A:And it is determined that that thing happened.
Speaker A:And the more resentment I'm carrying, the more I see it as a black and white.
Speaker A:And I don't aim to try to make a understanding out of it.
Speaker A:The way that a fire investigating crew looks at a burning at a burnt down building with curiosity and going, why?
Speaker A:Why would it have happened?
Speaker A:I want to understand why.
Speaker A:And once you get to understanding and you see how things served and how the unconsciousness was a perfect storm for that thing to happen, that thing that you feel like you need to forgive.
Speaker A:The highest form form of forgiveness is the authentic, heartfelt, body based recognition that everything served you and that there is nothing to forgive.
Speaker A:And I'm committed not only in my own life to getting to that place within myself or other people, but also helping guide other people to that level of awareness.
Speaker A:Because that's true freedom.
Speaker C:It really is.
Speaker C:I mean, I am big on, oh, forgive for yourself.
Speaker C:Like I'm big on that, right?
Speaker C:But you breaking it down like that, that it's a, it's a totally different understanding, right?
Speaker C:It gives you, it gives you another level of freedom and understanding, right?
Speaker C:So that's really good.
Speaker C:Thank you so much for being on the show.
Speaker A:Thank you for having me.
Speaker C:This has been such a pleasure.
Speaker C:I can't wait for the audience to hear this because it's going to be fantastic.
Speaker C:So I want to let the audience know that you could choose any podcast, but you chose this one, and I am grateful.
Speaker C:And I want you to remember that you matter and your story matters.
Speaker C:And until next time, I want to thank you, Dr. Nima, for being on the show.
Speaker C:But we are going to say goodbye.
Speaker C:Bye.
Speaker B:I truly understand that time is valuable, so thanks for listening.
Speaker B:Be sure to check us out on our Facebook page.
Speaker B:Like us on Instagram website codependentme.org and if you need a coach, email me@codependentmeutlook.com.
